I am in panic mode...
As usual, when we get invited to leave our property, it is a big deal and no one is prepared.
Thank god this time it was just Mike and I invited to leave....otherwise we would be in big trouble.
This Saturday is a wedding at the Ritz Carlton.
Because we have known about it for months, we decided to go shopping for a suit for Mike last Saturday which is still at the tailor, and I still don't have a dress.
I am still convinced that if I actually get on the treadmill, those last 386 pounds will just fall off by Saturday and therefore if I buy a dress today, it probably will be way to large by Saturday...At least this is what I tell myself to avoid actually going shopping.....
Yeah, but still.....
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Child Abuse
Last year,before school, I took the kids school supply shopping. Backpacks, pencils, hair dye, - the usual....and in addition they each picked out a shiny new insulated lunch bag with a ice pack of their choice. Jesse picked out the standard blue circle and Janee picked out a soccer ball.
Months 1-2, Janee religiously used both the bag and the ice pack, Jesse stopped using either choosing the more efficient option of shoving his food in his backpack underneath his books.
Months 3-6, Janee used the lunch bag but stopped using the ice pack - I mean really, it is TOOO much work to walk from your bedroom at night to the freezer to refreeze it.
Then slowly, the lunch bag was dropped all together in honor of Jesse's efficient way.
During Summer, Janee proclaimed "I need a new backpack"
Why?"
"Because my backpack has bread crumbs in the bottom"
First of all, the fact that she used that as an excuse equals about 15 reasons why NOT to buy her a backpack, but I digress.....
Of course, we don't buy her a backpack. Our reasoning is it is not a necessity, her reasoning is because we are child abusers...but again, I digress.
She decides to go out and buy her OWN backpack *whine* because everyone else gets a new backpack before school *whine* and even though it is our responsibility to take care of her *whine* she will have to do it herself *wine*
So like the child abuser that I am, I drive her to Tilly's for her to buy a $32.00 backpack.
She makes sure the backpack she wants has an extra pocket this time for shoving her lunch into so it doesn't get mixed up with pencil lead - smart girl! All the while claiming the perfect backpack must have this pocket because she will not be using a lunch bag this year.
Days 1-3 - Like a child abuser, I pack her a lunch which she shoves her lunch in her backpack pocket...
Days 4-6 - Like a child abuser, I pack my 8th grader a lunch. She takes her fruit, chips and granola bar to school but leaves the sandwich on the counter..
Day 7, Goes into a 10 minute tirade about how disgusting eating hot sandwiches is and how her friend has been buying her carrots at school to help feed her...
Dramatic much?
Needless to say, we are now the proud owners of 1 insulated sandwich container. Here's to hoping this will solve the new attitude the teenage girl is acquiring!
Months 1-2, Janee religiously used both the bag and the ice pack, Jesse stopped using either choosing the more efficient option of shoving his food in his backpack underneath his books.
Months 3-6, Janee used the lunch bag but stopped using the ice pack - I mean really, it is TOOO much work to walk from your bedroom at night to the freezer to refreeze it.
Then slowly, the lunch bag was dropped all together in honor of Jesse's efficient way.
During Summer, Janee proclaimed "I need a new backpack"
Why?"
"Because my backpack has bread crumbs in the bottom"
First of all, the fact that she used that as an excuse equals about 15 reasons why NOT to buy her a backpack, but I digress.....
Of course, we don't buy her a backpack. Our reasoning is it is not a necessity, her reasoning is because we are child abusers...but again, I digress.
She decides to go out and buy her OWN backpack *whine* because everyone else gets a new backpack before school *whine* and even though it is our responsibility to take care of her *whine* she will have to do it herself *wine*
So like the child abuser that I am, I drive her to Tilly's for her to buy a $32.00 backpack.
She makes sure the backpack she wants has an extra pocket this time for shoving her lunch into so it doesn't get mixed up with pencil lead - smart girl! All the while claiming the perfect backpack must have this pocket because she will not be using a lunch bag this year.
Days 1-3 - Like a child abuser, I pack her a lunch which she shoves her lunch in her backpack pocket...
Days 4-6 - Like a child abuser, I pack my 8th grader a lunch. She takes her fruit, chips and granola bar to school but leaves the sandwich on the counter..
Day 7, Goes into a 10 minute tirade about how disgusting eating hot sandwiches is and how her friend has been buying her carrots at school to help feed her...
Dramatic much?
Needless to say, we are now the proud owners of 1 insulated sandwich container. Here's to hoping this will solve the new attitude the teenage girl is acquiring!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
So, this weekend we had Brody's 4th birthday party which consisted of a trip to the dump and a small BBQ.
Our staple 4 people showed up as well as our new friends who live across the freeway.
I am baffled by 2 things about these people (And mother, in case you were losing sleep at night, baffled was Brody's word)
The first one is their daughter who seems to just chill out about 15 feet or less from them - not glued to their side, but just checking things out nearby. And interestingly, when they call her name, she actually looks up and seems to listen.
This could be an "at a stranger's house" thing and be different at home - I don't know - but what I do know is that the minute I let my almost the same age child outside, she runs off like a bat out of hell and has no desire to listen. I would be amazed if she actually knows her name just by the fact that when you say it, you may as be not talking at all.
Nevertheless, while Brody was opening gifts, I was chasing my shoeless dirtball out of the firewood pile...
The second thing that baffles me, is that they read. Actually, not the fact that they read, but the fact that they have time to read.
I used to read. Alot.
I may have read my last book in 2004, which us about when I met my husband and acquired 9 million kids.
I am apparently one busy person......although a little inspired.
Now with Janee starting school and soccer again, my husband potentially working double shift, me working more than full time, and attempting to teach Brody how to write and start reading which are apparently things you need to know to enter kindergarten, I am going to attempt to find some free time for myself. As always, I have good timing.
And on another side note, since Janee is in soccer, and Jesse is on some funky eat only dinner diet, I may as well not be the only fatass running around - so - I am back on my diet, no booze, and I am going to unstore all the baby toys from the treadmill and use it.
Our staple 4 people showed up as well as our new friends who live across the freeway.
I am baffled by 2 things about these people (And mother, in case you were losing sleep at night, baffled was Brody's word)
The first one is their daughter who seems to just chill out about 15 feet or less from them - not glued to their side, but just checking things out nearby. And interestingly, when they call her name, she actually looks up and seems to listen.
This could be an "at a stranger's house" thing and be different at home - I don't know - but what I do know is that the minute I let my almost the same age child outside, she runs off like a bat out of hell and has no desire to listen. I would be amazed if she actually knows her name just by the fact that when you say it, you may as be not talking at all.
Nevertheless, while Brody was opening gifts, I was chasing my shoeless dirtball out of the firewood pile...
The second thing that baffles me, is that they read. Actually, not the fact that they read, but the fact that they have time to read.
I used to read. Alot.
I may have read my last book in 2004, which us about when I met my husband and acquired 9 million kids.
I am apparently one busy person......although a little inspired.
Now with Janee starting school and soccer again, my husband potentially working double shift, me working more than full time, and attempting to teach Brody how to write and start reading which are apparently things you need to know to enter kindergarten, I am going to attempt to find some free time for myself. As always, I have good timing.
And on another side note, since Janee is in soccer, and Jesse is on some funky eat only dinner diet, I may as well not be the only fatass running around - so - I am back on my diet, no booze, and I am going to unstore all the baby toys from the treadmill and use it.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lets play a game
How many things can you find wrong in this post?
I probably shouldn't be blogging right now considering I have been typing for work for the last 10-1/2 hours. It should have been 8, but since I am such a great employee, when they asked me to help out for a few extra hours, I agreed. Of course, this meant shoving my kids in front of the TV for a total of 14 hours today at least, but so be it.
At least working distracted me from gettting sick. I have been telling everyone it is allergies all day in hopes that it actually might turn out to be. It isn't working. Aside from trying to convince myself I am not sick, I may as well convince my family, because lets face it, sick or not, it is not like I can sit on my ass and rest....so I may as well ignore it and keep on doing things....
As typical, because I am pretending not to be sick, someone has to one up me. Can you guess who?
My lovely husband who gets out of the shower tonight with a and I quote "small scratch in his throat"
He immediatley runs to his stash of antibiotics (He is a firm believer in never finishing a prescription). In the process of this, we come across our random assortment of vicodine bottles. Foot surgeries, C-sections, idiots cutting their knuckles off, you name the situation, we have it.
There was 1 pill left in each bottle, and 1 was completly empty. Interesting. And not the way we last left the bottles. Fortunatley, because I am organizer of the year, they are all expired by about 1-1/2 years but still.
After staring at them in disbelief, my husband takes his antibiotic....except it wasn't an antibiotic - he took a vicodin instead on accident...
So, here I am sick, while sleeping beauty with a small scratch in his throat is passed out snoring.
To do list for tomorrow: Clean out cupboard.
I probably shouldn't be blogging right now considering I have been typing for work for the last 10-1/2 hours. It should have been 8, but since I am such a great employee, when they asked me to help out for a few extra hours, I agreed. Of course, this meant shoving my kids in front of the TV for a total of 14 hours today at least, but so be it.
At least working distracted me from gettting sick. I have been telling everyone it is allergies all day in hopes that it actually might turn out to be. It isn't working. Aside from trying to convince myself I am not sick, I may as well convince my family, because lets face it, sick or not, it is not like I can sit on my ass and rest....so I may as well ignore it and keep on doing things....
As typical, because I am pretending not to be sick, someone has to one up me. Can you guess who?
My lovely husband who gets out of the shower tonight with a and I quote "small scratch in his throat"
He immediatley runs to his stash of antibiotics (He is a firm believer in never finishing a prescription). In the process of this, we come across our random assortment of vicodine bottles. Foot surgeries, C-sections, idiots cutting their knuckles off, you name the situation, we have it.
There was 1 pill left in each bottle, and 1 was completly empty. Interesting. And not the way we last left the bottles. Fortunatley, because I am organizer of the year, they are all expired by about 1-1/2 years but still.
After staring at them in disbelief, my husband takes his antibiotic....except it wasn't an antibiotic - he took a vicodin instead on accident...
So, here I am sick, while sleeping beauty with a small scratch in his throat is passed out snoring.
To do list for tomorrow: Clean out cupboard.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Last weekend, we gathered up all of our unwanted crap, lugged it to a house with a driveway and proceeded to have a garage sale.
Typically, we advertise a 7:00 am start but people come at 5 am to get all the "good stuff".
We spent the night at my parents house (they were out of town) and threw a giant rager. Which in 39, 33, 15 & 13 year old terms means, we stayed up past 9pm playing the Wii.
Actually it was midnight - and I am only making that announcement because neither Mike or I have stayed up till midnight in at least 3 years....
Of course we were exhausted when the alarm went off a 5:30....we started to put stuff out, and no one came...My friends who were garage saling with us showed up at 6:15 - and still no one....
I got the paper - and advertised on the FRONT PAGE was:
BIGGEST GARAGE SALE IN LAKE FOREST HISTORY - 226 homes -
Not in our tract.....
So, we sat, and sat and sat and probably about 9 we got some people - we may have had 20 people come by, and we may have broke even with the gas it cost us to drive out to Lake Forest in the first place.
I think I will start looking at the dumpster in front of our house with a little more love from now on.....
Typically, we advertise a 7:00 am start but people come at 5 am to get all the "good stuff".
We spent the night at my parents house (they were out of town) and threw a giant rager. Which in 39, 33, 15 & 13 year old terms means, we stayed up past 9pm playing the Wii.
Actually it was midnight - and I am only making that announcement because neither Mike or I have stayed up till midnight in at least 3 years....
Of course we were exhausted when the alarm went off a 5:30....we started to put stuff out, and no one came...My friends who were garage saling with us showed up at 6:15 - and still no one....
I got the paper - and advertised on the FRONT PAGE was:
BIGGEST GARAGE SALE IN LAKE FOREST HISTORY - 226 homes -
Not in our tract.....
So, we sat, and sat and sat and probably about 9 we got some people - we may have had 20 people come by, and we may have broke even with the gas it cost us to drive out to Lake Forest in the first place.
I think I will start looking at the dumpster in front of our house with a little more love from now on.....
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Because I hate my children
I refuse to take them out to eat anywhere but Wendys.
Hello .99 cent value meal. It is really the only place I can feed my whole family for under $20.00 - and besides that, the always happy cashier gives me free apple slices for Harlee which is a score as it saves me $1.00. AND when I am really mean, I don't buy them sodas which saves me another $5.00.
So, the other day when my children who know anything (the J's) wanted to go to Subway, I found this funnier than any comedian I have ever watched at the Improv. They, of course, think I am a giant A-hole.
First of all, yes, it is healthy - or at least that is what they claim....but my kids have figured out how to make it the least healthy of all.....and most expensive.
Not only does Jesse think he needs to eat 2 footlongs, but once you factor in all the other crap, you are looking at at least $30.00.....and no wonder, he gets only bread, mayo and turkey. Sorry, not worth the $7.00 a sandwich they charge! For $7.00, you better be putting on extra of everything that is included for that price......just sayin'
Lets calculate:
Stater Brothers
Bread loaf $1.50
1 Lb of GOOD deli Turkey $4.99
1 Tub of Miracle Whip $2.50
1 Bag of Dorritos $1.99
1 Liter of soda $.99
TOTAL: $11.97 + tax
and that is IF you actually eat all of everything listed above.....
This is why I drug my kids to Ralphs the other day and bought (not kidding) 15 loaves of bread just because it was on sale for .99 cents a loaf.....
Besides, I LOVE the funny looks strangers give us......
Hello .99 cent value meal. It is really the only place I can feed my whole family for under $20.00 - and besides that, the always happy cashier gives me free apple slices for Harlee which is a score as it saves me $1.00. AND when I am really mean, I don't buy them sodas which saves me another $5.00.
So, the other day when my children who know anything (the J's) wanted to go to Subway, I found this funnier than any comedian I have ever watched at the Improv. They, of course, think I am a giant A-hole.
First of all, yes, it is healthy - or at least that is what they claim....but my kids have figured out how to make it the least healthy of all.....and most expensive.
Not only does Jesse think he needs to eat 2 footlongs, but once you factor in all the other crap, you are looking at at least $30.00.....and no wonder, he gets only bread, mayo and turkey. Sorry, not worth the $7.00 a sandwich they charge! For $7.00, you better be putting on extra of everything that is included for that price......just sayin'
Lets calculate:
Stater Brothers
Bread loaf $1.50
1 Lb of GOOD deli Turkey $4.99
1 Tub of Miracle Whip $2.50
1 Bag of Dorritos $1.99
1 Liter of soda $.99
TOTAL: $11.97 + tax
and that is IF you actually eat all of everything listed above.....
This is why I drug my kids to Ralphs the other day and bought (not kidding) 15 loaves of bread just because it was on sale for .99 cents a loaf.....
Besides, I LOVE the funny looks strangers give us......
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